Xena & Hercules Articles Archive

The Way of the Warrior

Xena has already lived a remarkably hard and complex llfe for her years. The hallmark of this life has heen profound change: in relationships, in the paths she chooses, and especially in the way a she makes her choices and the ways she sees herself.

Considering her violent history, Xena has a surprising number of old lovers and friends. But since her brother's death, she has rarely known close companionship. Even when she and Borias were lovers, she held him at arm's length, warning him never to think of her and their unborn child as 'family'.

The time she spent with Lao Ma was probably the only prolonged relationship of trust and companionship she experienced in all those years. For this reason, Gabrielle's friendship is all the more precious to her. Anyone would be lucky to have such a close relationship, and Xena, after years of emotional solitude, knows very well how blessed she is in having Gabrielle. "Gabrielle, you're the best thing that ever happened to me." She has said words such as these too many times to count.

The wounds and losses and the betrayals and lies they have given each other, both great and small, have all shaped this relationship and ultimately made the bond stronger. But if Xena were to look back at the end of a long life, sure- ly the memories of Gabrielle she would cherish most would be the small events that make up their daily life? Teaching Gabrielle to handle a staff or a horse; laughing at her attempts to catch a fish; telling her to shut up when she starts babbling; watching her face light up when she tells a story or listens to one; pouring hot water over each other in a rare chance to bathe; arguing over a broken frying pan or the uses of a scroll; watching Gabrielle cope with Joxer's infatuation; feeling the pride of seeing her grow up and stand up for herself. In her own moments of darkness and self-doubt, she would recall listening to the advice and encouragement that only such a dear and trusted friend can give. Thousands of such moments over many years are the true treasure of their friendship.

There is still much we don't know about Xena's background. Even the question of her parentage remains open. Xena convinces the vengeful Furies that Ares, not Atrius, was her father by proving that she can fight the god and defeat him, something no mere mortal should be able to do. When the Furies depart, both Ares and Xena talk as if they do not believe that Ares is her real father. For one thing, not even Ares would make sexual advances to his own daughter – or would he? Yet if Ares is not her father, there is still a mystery about her conception, lor Atrius came home unexpectedly from war and stayed just loag enough to conceive a child, and Ares has often visited his warriors' wives by impersonating their absent husbands for a night. And if Ares is not Xena's father, what is the source of her great strength and prowess, which is equal to that of the half-god Hercules? And what is the source of the extraordinary spiritual power that both Ares and Alti have tried to harness for themselves?

Perhaps this spiritual power is really her own, for Xena would be a half-god only in this incarnation, and when she travels to a future life in Between the Lines, she remains powerful. This strength of spirit is her most remarkable quality. She is an old soul, with tremendous power to affect the world in which she finds herself. Turn that power to evil and she will become 'the destroyer of nations', a tyrant like the Xena seen in Armageddon Now. Turn that power to good, and she has the potential that Lao Ma first saw in Xena: a warrior princess who could help create a peaceful and prosperous Chin.

This power has caused Xena untold trouble and sorrow. It is the reason Ares has meddled so persistently in her life, always trying to convince her to return to his service. When she trades her soul for Callisto's, this strength makes her the most powerful demon in Hell, who can conquer and destroy Heaven itself if she is not stopped. And it is the reason Alti cursed Xena's son Solan so that he would never know the love of his parents. "She knew that the light in my child's face would turn me away from her darkness. She couldn't afford that," Xena explains in Adventures in the Sin Trade, II.

Ares and Alti would not be interested in Xena if she did not have this remarkable strength of spirit. But without it, Xena would never have been able to overcome such powerful adversaries as those two, as well as Caesar and Callisto. It made her strong enough to hold on to life in The Quest and get a second chance. It has won her the enduring friendship of the Amazons, and given her the power to atone for the destruction of the northern tribe. Her spiritual power, rather than the blood of a god, may be the true source of her remarkable physical strength. And it is the source of her courage, of which physical courage is only a very small part.

A warrior as strong and as well-trained as Xena has little to fear in most battles, which means she doesn't need much ordinary physical courage to overcome fear. Xena has a far more enduring kind of courage, which allows her to look into her own heart and see the darkness and decide, day after day, that although that darkness may always be a part of her, she will not let it rule her again.

Through listening to her own heart, Xena has learned to listen to the hearts of others, and is quick to foster the goodness she sees there, even when it is deeply buried. In Vanishing Act, when she realizes that Autolycus is planning to take revenge on the man responsible for his brother's death, her main concern is to prevent Autolycus from becoming a killer himself. In Daughter of Pomira, her whole perception of the Horde is transformed when she takes back a child stolen by them, only to see the child's Horde foster father cry out in grief at losing his daughter.

Perhaps because she has found it so hard to forgive herself for her past, Xena finds it almost impossible to forgive anyone who has hurt people dear to her. She can carry for years her anger and desire for revenge – or justice, as she often calls it. And when she meets her enemy, her anger is as fresh and cold and deadly as it was on the day the injury was committed. She kills Lao Ma's son, not because he is a monster who tried to kill her, but because he used his mother's love for him to protect him while he executed her with his own hands. The fiercest anger is reserved for the one clos- est to her. When Gabrielle's decision to spare Hope leads to Solan's death, Xena is ready to kill Gabrielle in the most brutal way possible. All she can see is her grief, and that her closest friend, who she trusted completely, brought her that grief. Only because she has learned to listen to her own heart, and to cherish the good in others, can she finally see past her rage to the love and friendship she and Gabrielle have shared.

This reconciliation, the most profound of Xena's life, probably helps prepare her for the unexpected: a transformed relationship with Callisto. She once watched Callisto drown in quicksand rather than stir so much as a finger to try and save her; and once killed her immortal body with the Hind's blood dagger without a trace of remorse. Yet when she sees Callisto's wretched, hateful agony in Hell, she is so stirred by remorse and compassion that she gives up her own salvation to release Callisto from eternal damnation. Returned to earthly life and earthly memories, she finds it hard at first to tolerate the presence of the angelic Callisto who comes to guide Eli to his destiny. But so much has changed in Xena's heart that when Callisto tells her that she will be reborn as Xena's child, Xena can only weep tears of wonder and joy.

Xena's changing perception of her warrior way has been a dominant force in her life. The very first scene of Sins of the Past shows her burying her weapons and armor, only to retrieve them moments later so she can rescue a band of peasants from Draco's slave raiders. The peasants, afraid of her, ask her to leave their village, and when she goes home to Amphipolis, her own mother tries to drive her away. But Xena is neither surprised nor angry. From her perspective, their reception of her is what she deserves after all she has done. In those first days of her reformation, she encounters several warriors who have made different choices: Draco, who gave up after one disastrous attempt to go home; Marcus, who believes it's too late for him to change; and Callisto, who embraces hatred and violence like a lover. Yet Xena is determined to walk a different path, and she never gives up or turns back from it.

She is afraid, at first, to get close to anyone, not only to protect herself from more rejections, but also because she doesn't want to involve anyone else in the ruin she has made of her life. She leaves Hercules in Unchained Heart, while she tries to drive Gabrielle away at first, and then to keep her at arm's length. It's incredible to her at this point in her life that anyone would admire her or want to be like her, especially a little innocent country girl like Gabrielle. And she is always afraid, not only that Gabrielle might get hurt following her on her adventures, but that she might really become like the Warrior Princess, and end up repeating Xena's mistakes.

Xena remains ambivalent about her warrior life and its connection to her dark and dangerous side. Her life is filled with encounters that remind her of the sins of her past. At times she reverts back to the ruthless ways of the warlord, as in The Price, and only Gabrielle can help pull her back from the brink. She tries living the life of an ordinary peasant in Remember Nothing, but learns that without her warrior side, she is powerless to change the evil she sees around her.

The journey to India provides the crucible for Xena's understanding of her chosen path. The discovery that she will become 'the Mother of Peace' in her next life fills her with doubt and confusion. "Maybe I was shown my future life for a reason. Maybe I'm supposed to change the way that I'm living this life here and now. But either way, a warrior can't ask these kinds of questions in the heat of battle. When the kill is there, you have to take it. If I can't do that, I can't be a warrior anymore."

It's remarkable that a woman who has no use for the gods should have her questions resolved by a god. Krishna, the most perfect of the Hindu gods, tells her that she has already found her true way. "You must not be hesitant to fight in a just cause. It is better to die following your own way than to live following someone else's. When you ride into combat... carry with you the confidence that you are fulfilling your calling in this life. Then you will know The Way."

Although these words give Xena peace about her warrior's way, they do not end her questions. Her pregnancy is having an inevitable affect on how she sees herself and her path. When Gabrielle overreacts and turns a village confrontation into a brawl in Seeds of Faith, Xena's reproach arises in part, as she herself admits, from "thinking like a mother". Yet when Xena learns that Ares is planning to attack Eli, she rejects the pleas of both Eli and Callisto that she stand aside and let Eli handle Ares his own way. When Gabrielle does let Hi confront Ares, and Ares kills him, Xena is enraged and aghast at her friend.

"The only reason that people like Eli exist is because people like us defend them when they won't defend themselves."

"So Ares is right? The whole future is shaped by warriors?" Gabrielle counters.

Only when she is about to kill Ares herself does Xena remember Eli's message of peace. "If you won't listen to me, then listen to Eli," Callisto whispers. He sacrificed himself to make it easier for people to follow the way of peace." Xena's mercy is more for Eli's sake than for Ares, but it's a choice that she would not have been able to make, or even understand, only a couple of years ago.

In a few years, Xena has become almost a new person. The warrior in the heat of battle appears the same, with her echoing war cry and her almost Olympian strength, prowess and agility. But the heart that rules the warrior is no longer the heart of a murderer, nor even a heart overflowing with guilt and searching for atonement. All the good deeds she has done, the trials she has overcome, and especially the love she has given and received, have given Xena the wisdom to always seek good, to make the world a better place and to defeat evil wherever she finds it. The love between mother and child can only transform her even further.

The Way of the Warrior Official Xena Magazine May 2000, Stoddard Hayes p. 27-30.